Patience

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I like to come home to a clean apartment, have my clothes a certain way in my closet and for my apartment to look Pinterest perfect. I have this desire to do things well the first time. Afraid of no one else’s opinion but my own drives me to stay up past my bedtime to clean my kitchen before bed or to get a million errands done on my days off even though it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t get it done.

When my laundry starts overflowing, my bedroom floor is covered with clothes and my sink is full of dirty dishes, my anxiety kicks in. Instead of looking at the things that I did accomplish, I obsess about the things that I didn’t get to. The last few months my finances have not been where I planned when I moved to Philly. The salary isn’t as high as I need it to be to cover rent, those monthly bills like car insurance and student loan were easy to manage prior to paying rent, but now I see how much comes out each month. I start to compare myself to other people my age. I see them making more than me, having nicer things than me and being able to buy things and not have to worry about their credit card bill at the end of the month.

2019 is going to be the year that I learn patience. I will accept delays and work my schedule around them. I will face trouble but not let it ruin my day. I will suffer financially until I get a cheaper apartment, but I will find ways to save money until then. I am allowed to get angry or upset, but I will put more energy into finding a solution. What I need most this year is patience. Patience to look over my routines and expectations and reassess, accepting that I am only one person and my life can not always be perfect. Telling myself that tomorrow will be better has helped me get through difficult times in the last few years. I have the patience to not get overwhelmed at the moment and encouraged to try again the next day.

Patience in 2019 looks like…

Being realistic in what I can get done in one day.

Accepting I cannot do it all by myself.

Dry shampoo is totally acceptable.

Be kind to yourself.

Understanding that I am the only person who gives me these unrealistic expectations.

It is okay to have bad days.

Patience is a word that keeps popping up in my head. When things start to not go my way or when I start to lose control, I tell myself to have patience because everything works out in the end. Let me know what your word for 2019 will be!

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