Giving Up On Finding Balance

I woke up late on a Monday morning wishing I could sleep in for a few more hours. I feel like I am always bouncing between something to do and my to-do list is forever growing. For weeks, I was bringing stuff I wanted to keep from our house before it sold and then finding a way to make room for it in my tiny apartment during the week. I would stay up hours past my bedtime and skip dinner to unpack boxes and then reorganize cabinets to make room for everything. It has been a process! I had laundry building up, dishes in my sink, my bed had not been made in forever. Most importantly, I could not remember the last time I washed my face with a fancy face wash or spent more than 5 minutes taking my makeup off before bed. With my parents visiting for the week before they head to the new house in North Carolina, I didn’t have enough time to get my apartment presentable or make it ready for guests.

Instead of feeling guilty for not having the pristine clean apartment I was hoping to have, I decided to tell myself I did the best I could do. I get home for work after an 11 hour day with so many things I want to get done and most nights, I find myself scrolling on Instagram eating chips and salsa in my pajamas. I do have my scheduled cleaning days, but life keeps getting in the way and I feel like I am missing out on things because I feel like I should be doing something else instead. One night I came home after work and I got comfortable on the couch next to my mom still in my work clothes. There were things I should have been doing and were not done that day, but I learned that sometimes we need to just sit and not get those things done.

It has taken me a few months of living on my own to accept that I will never find balance. There are just not enough hours in the day for me to work, commit to my blog, keep my apartment clean and have dinner cooked every single night. The nights that I feel like I can’t do it all, I have to remind myself that there was a time that my life was simple, but I found it too routine and that is why I moved to a new city no my own- to create some challenge. Having my parents stay with me has been a blessing because each morning my dad asks if there is something I need to be done that day, any errand to run and after being in my apartment for an hour he quickly realized I had no food. This week, I have come home to a stocked fridge, my dad usually saying that he noticed I didn’t have something in my kitchen so he went to the store and dinner on the table. My mom has finished unpacking all of the boxes I didn’t get to and rearranged my furniture.

I found what was missing from this crazy chaotic life. After too many weeks going to bed without food or mornings having to use dry shampoo, the obvious thing missing from my life was self-care. More importantly, I was neglecting my emotional, mental and physical needs and putting everything else first. It wasn’t until I had some help around the apartment and someone cooking me dinner did I realize that I just don’t have the time to do before. While my parents were here, I was eating each night, taking a bath each night and getting to bed before 11. I have been more well rested and taking better care of myself that I have had some help. I have definitely experienced exhaustion and burn out while trying to do all of this adulting and still trying to work out, eat healthy and get some alone time in my day.

Emotionally, I have started to listen to my body more to see what it needs. There are some nights that I want company and other nights I just really want to be alone on the couch. I talk to friends about how I am feeling and have been journaling while reading some self-help books.

Mentally, I have been having to set goals for myself, big and small, that are actually possible and I can achieve easily. Taking time in the morning to get ready at my vanity is what works for me to have a better morning. I hate being rushed in the morning, so now I plan time to sit at my vanity in the morning. At night, I find ways to meditate and reflect on the day, most importantly how I can make the next day better.

Physically, one of the big parts of my day that most people may find annoying but is essential for me is the walk to work. I get my 8,000 steps in my day just from working to and from work each day. My body is toned, I get my workout in each day and for that hour, I get a little silence. I know I need to be better at making real dinners at night and it is something that my body needs since my dinner go to is chips and salsa. The easy steps to improve my physical being is routine manicures and pedicures and making skin care a priority!

Some days I have balance in my life. Most days I don’t have balance in my life. Instead of worrying about the things I could not get done, I try to enjoy each day.

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