Our lives never stop moving forward. We can work hard to try to prevent time from passing but we physically cannot. Even if we stay in bed under the covers and sleep the day away, that day occurred. It came and went. Nothing we do can make those hours of us hiding like they never happened. There are a few moments in my life when I have stopped completely what I am doing, close my eyes and watch just for a few seconds time stand still. I let the world go about its business and just stand still as I watch it happen all around me. I fear change. I am uneasy about change. Over the years I have been able to create coping mechanisms to get over this uneasiness about change but it still makes me anxious. I know where I will be a week from right now and it is not in my big bed with all of these pillows. These pillows will be miles from where they are now in a bed I have not yet slept in. Of course I am anxious about the change that will occur after this weekend. But this will be a new adventure. It’s senior year at college. That is a new thread of anxiety all on its own but for now my life will shift again. A new zipcode. A new house. Even a new state!! Today I sat on the beach as the sun was setting in the west by myself and took in a breath of that salty ocean air. Life keeps moving forward. But life is not just a set of motions we do everyday. There are times in life that we do something significant. We choose to go left instead of right. We say yes instead of no. Life is continuous. But what makes those special moments is when we stop with the fuss that is going on around us and take in the unknown. The unknown is scary no doubt. However, we should wake up each morning and look forward to that unknown moment because it opens and closes doors in our life pointing us in new directions to where we will end up one day.
i miss you
I hate missing someone. When I miss a person there are a lot of feelings in three little words. So much emotion is going on and being kept back. I miss a person physically, emotionally, even their presence. Us talking or the little communication by texts through the day. I can look at my phone for hours and know that no matter how much I wish, they are not going to pop up on my screen. When I’m online I wonder if they are too. If they casually see a new picture come up of me and do they wander over to my page. Do they miss me too? Will they reach out to me?
I miss you is just three little words that mean so much. Full of looking back into the past, looking at our choices and mistakes in the past. The what if’s consume our thoughts. Take control of every thing we do during the day. The phone in our pocket suddenly becomes heavier with the recent lack of communication its presence becomes more aware to us.
It makes me wonder, does the person we miss have these feelings too or is it just me going crazy over a person who does not feel the same way?
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If someone ever makes you feel less, in any way, you have every right to walk away. You have every right to cut out toxic people in your life. To close the door on people who make you feel bad about who you are or what you stand for. Friends don’t tear down, they build up.
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