Dear Self,

One of my favorite parts of the day is walking home from work and it is not just because I am heading home from the office. This is the part of the day where I have 40 minutes to myself, with my headphones in and I can just reflect on the day. For someone who overthinks a lot, I dedicate this time to process the day and only give myself that walk home to overthink. Once I get to the apartment, I do something each day to add value or happiness to my day. Even if it is cleaning up my kitchen or picking clothes up off the floor. I am constantly going and going from the minute I wake up until I go to bed, so my walk home is when I can meditate or just zone out for a bit. On my walk home, I like to remind myself that my twenties are not like how I thought they would be after watching movies and tv shows about friends in their twenties. I think we all had these fantasies about how we were supposed to be going out every night, having perfect hair and the perfect outfit at work, having fun adventures on the weekends. Now when I talk to my friends, we are exhausted, overworked, and would love to stay in on a Friday. Also, dry shampoo saves lives!

I often think about the future and when things will all make sense. When I will have the perfect group of friends, the perfect guy, be financially stable and not have to feel guilty for buying lunch. I cannot help to plan for that day when everything in my life is perfect. But then I start to freak out about what if I am still doing this walk home from work a few years down the road and nothing has changed? What if I never figure out this thing called life? I know I cannot keep obsessing about the future and need to just focus on the now. The other night I sat down and made rules for things I cannot obsess or overthink about. I can’t tell you how many times I start to overthink about these things.

They include…

It’s okay to say no to plans….
It was a Friday and I took my phone out to start reaching out to friends to make plans that night when honestly all I wanted to do was go home, put on comfy clothes and clean my apartment. For a while there, I felt guilty for being lame and not going out because I thought that is what I was expected to do on a Friday night. I walk past outdoor bars on my way home during happy hour and sometimes I feel guilty that I am not drinking a discounted drink, but more often I am so glad to just go home and change to sit on my couch. Make plans or don’t, but never feel guilty for doing what you want to actually do.

Stop obsessing over your diet….
I have actually been really good since living on my own because I have only bought dinner three times since moving. For a girl that used to go through the drive-thru at least 3 times a week, that is a big improvement! I started to be smarter with my money and make dinner at home. I have always eaten healthy without doing it on purpose, but I will never turn down pizza because I am on a diet. I cannot stand people who look at the menu and purposely choose the healthiest item. Life is short and I believe in balance. But when the tray of free cupcakes comes around at work, I don’t wanna hear that you can’t because of your diet. We have plenty of time to obsess over our bodies and our twenties shouldn’t be when we say no to free treats.

Make time to work out, but still love your body…
You know when they say that if you do something a lot it eventually becomes a routine? Right now I am trying to make working out a part of my routine so it becomes easier to do every day. I don’t want to be joining a gym in my forties for the first time in a decade. I want working out to be part of my routine so that for years to come I can stay fit. I see the flaws on my body, but to everyone else who is older, I have the perfect body. It is hard to love my body because I am a girl after all. I just know in a few years I am going to wish I still had this body, so I am going to eat the cake and go to the gym!

You don’t need someone in your life to make you happy…
This is one thing that I am still really struggling with in life. I don’t think I will ever actually be able to accept that I don’t have to rely on someone else for my happiness even though it does feel so damn good. It is one of those things that remind me that even though I would love to be in a relationship, I know this very thing is going to prevent me from being emotionally and mentally ready for one. I hope to keep reminding myself that I am enough over and over again until I believe it. Hopefully, that one day in the future, when I have everything figured out, is also when I know that I am also enough. Wait for the guy who adds happiness in your life, but isn’t the complete source of your happiness.

Understand where your money is going, but don’t freak out about the credit card balance…
Take the trip, go out with your friends, buy the new shoes… don’t let money prevent you from living life. But just always be mindful of where your money is going. I knew that eating out would get expensive and it is something I had to be mindful of. Now I only buy dinner if I am going out with friends. I cook more to save so I can spend money when I am out with friends. I like to put everything on my credit card because, at the end of the month, I can easily see where my money is going. I used all of my life savings to move to Philly and I am doing my best not to freak out that I don’t have that safety net like I used to have. I am accepting I will just have a balance on my credit card the next few months that I will not be able to pay off in full.

Stop saying “not a problem”….
I was on the phone with my mom telling her about something I did at work that day and the praise I received for it. She immediately stopped her when I got the part in the story when I told my boss it was not a problem. My mom had to correct me and tell me to never say it was not a problem because in the future going above and beyond will be expected. I get uncomfortable with praise and compliments, so I often downplay any praise. My new rule is to just say “thank you” or “my pleasure” when I get praise at work instead of belittling it.

I am enough.
I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. If I keep saying it over and over again I hope to actually believe it. Lately, I have been staying off social media to prevent myself from comparing my life to other peoples. I take some time before bed when my other thinking usually gets really bad to acknowledge the things I have and what I am grateful for. I have an amazing job, a beautiful apartment, friends nearby and simply everything in life a girl could want. I don’t need a guy or to go out every night with my friends to prove my life is good, because it is.

 

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